Sanity, Sobriety, and Russian Roulette

Life can become insane.

I’m not speaking in hyperbole. I’m not speaking to the mental health of life, either. That’s not the kind of insane I’m talking about.

Alcoholics sometimes define insanity as ‘doing something over and over but expecting different results.’ Like binge drinking long enough to forget about life for a little bit, expecting a black out to fix the things that are broken. That’s why their second step has them believing in a ‘higher power’ that will restore their life to sanity.

Let’s play a game.

How many days do you find yourself spending half your waking hours sitting behind a television?

How many of those days do you spend doing what you really want to do?

How often is what you think you really want, really what you need?

We get caught up in routine, working jobs we don’t like to make money for things we don’t want. Somehow we think this life will make itself better. Maybe if we work long enough or make enough money. We get caught doing the same things over and over expecting this life we hardly live to get better. Life can become insane.

I imagine Jerry sitting across a table from Derek, head in his hands, listening to Derek talk about his life. Derek is incapable of living his life because he can’t remember it. Jerry realizes that Derek reached a point in which he is no longer living anymore. He’s just waiting to die.

“Let’s play a game,” Jerry will say, and pull out a revolver out from under the table.

Derek will ask “Are you insane?” And Jerry will reply “No, no, but by definition, YOU are.”

He’ll put one bullet into the revolver and he’ll tell Derek, “We avoid risks in life so we can make it safely to death. We have to take those risks and do something different to restore our lives to sanity.”

Jerry will spin the gun closed and hand it to Derek, and he’ll tell him, “Let’s get sober.”